Perhaps it’s because we are in the month dedicated to the departed, or perhaps it was the contemplation of the autumn leaves falling day by day, leaving the trees around me in its desolate and dreadful state that the subtheme of death continued to haunt me during my last retreat. All this made me affirm also my need to grieve as I have indeed experienced significant deaths this year. Two of them, I have already shared in this blogspot. (See my past blogs on Sr. M. Franca, pddm and Fr. Charlie, sj. ) Now, I’d like to share the third.I was in our convent in Caracas, Venezuela last September when I was informed of the untimely demise of Sr. M. Ausilia Castillo, one of the first 2 Filipina PDDM sisters I met and with whom I shared a particular love for liturgical music. It was in fact in a sacred music seminar that I met Sr. M. Ausilia together with Sr. M. Margaret. I even thought they were foreigners since they spoke English all the time and their looks also confused me – the first appeared vaguely like an Indonesian and the second, a Japanese!
I was quite young then, only in my first years in the University, but I happened to be there in the seminar because I also served as organist of our Parish Church. Anyway, in one of the free moments during that seminar, the gracious nuns invited my companions and me to visit their humble convent in Manila—the Liturgical apostolate centre. I was just struck by the simplicity of the place and I became so curious, and began to ask myself how could they live as contemplatives in the heart of the city. That was the start of a long journey of discernment.
When I joined the PDDM Congregation in 1978, Sr. M. Ausilia and Sr. M. Margaret just made it in time to teach me the “secrets” of the music ministry in convent setting. I remember how terrified I was the first time they asked me to direct the convent choir. True, I was already a trained musician before entering the convent but I felt that leading the community choir was just too much for an aspirant like me. Little did I know that the Superior was already testing me since the two nuns were being prepared to go abroad, Sr. M. Ausilia for missionary contribution in Vatican and later in Spain, and Sr. M. Margaret, for specialized studies in liturgy. When they left and I was named choir directress and organist during my postulancy, I remember praying that the earth may open and swallow me up! It wasn’t that tragic really. After the sisters and I have had the feel of working together and harmonizing our voices, it was sheer heaven!
Going back to Sr. M. Ausilia, I always remember her with fondness because of this common passion that we've shared and also for the fact that she was God’s instrument for bringing to my knowledge the existence of the PDDM Congregation. And if I could add one more motive for my missing her so, albeit a banal one, she was also an excellent cook! As a young religious, I used to look forward to Thursdays when she would prepare pasta and to Christmas when she would serve her fruitcakes! Her life-generating qualities coupled with a keen eye for beauty and harmony will remain inspirations in my life.
I cried a lot when Sr. M. Ausilia unexpectedly left us last September 10, but I’m sure that she is now in a much better place and is now singing and feasting with the Lord in his great Orchestra and Banquet Hall!
